So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
