it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
