I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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