so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize