You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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