the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
