I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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