the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
