I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
