Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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