Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
