I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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