don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
