I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
