I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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