he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize