So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
