I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
