is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
