I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
