At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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