she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Randomize
