thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
