puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
