The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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