It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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