i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
