wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize