I skipped work to stalk him.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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