Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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