I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
