Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
