i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
