OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
