I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
