wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
