Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
