Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Randomize
