my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
