So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
