ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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