i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
