in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
