Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize