He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
