Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
