I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
