end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
