ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
