Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
