Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
