My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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