I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
