More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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