a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
