Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
