Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
