Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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