There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
