its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize