im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
