He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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