We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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