I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
