I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
