i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
