69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
