Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
