you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
