I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize