I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
