Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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