and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
