is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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