but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
