Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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