I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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