im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
