I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
