You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
