She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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