How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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