Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I wish I could teleport
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
That accounts for only three of the penises
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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