I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
